Hell Turdy

Worrying about the dystopian outcomes of many digital ventures these days can honestly be somewhat mood-dampening. I need to remember to find time to be silly and laugh more. One thread on Twitter the other day, started by David M Barnett, had me in stitches. It encouraged people to share embarrassing typos in formal e-mails and I kept bursting out in laughter at the cringe-worthy stories.

Then I started thinking about how I could make sure to keep enjoying the effects, and remember these mishaps to boost my well-being. I decided to do my own mashup of the responses. What if a person made all these mistakes in the same e-mail, what could that look like? So I made it happen.

I’m sure not everyone shares my sense of humour and it’s likely that some will find this offensive. Beware that there are a fair number of obscene words in here – which of course is the point. In this context it’s fair to remember that these misspellings are taken from examples of real mistakes by real people where any profanity was unintended.

This unfortunate e-mail should of course have started out as “Hello Trudy”. It is dedicated to everyone out there who is pushed to work at speed with digital tools, without time for reflective practice. Manky thanks to all the people in the thread who were willing to share.

From: Asa Botcher <asa.botcher@sales444sales.st>
To: Trudy Tucker (eyebrows) <trudy.tucker@biggercorpz.st>
date: Aug 25, 2019, 1:54 PM
subject: Sales Template #4 (Remember to mention the sick colleague)

Hell Turdy,

I hope you ate well and not too busty, as I don’t want to cause any incontinence. But I figured a quick massage is worth a shit.

Please refer to the flowshart detailing all the discocunts. All items are available in various quantitties. If you cuntpaste the code it will give you a fuhrer 5% reduction.

I also heard your colleague has been under the car of his doctor for some months. I am praying he gets better soon, really hope he dies.

A seedy response would be great. Manky thanks for your time, and let me know if there are any father issues I can help you with. I’d be happy to sex up a prone meeting, or I can poop around your new office.

I’ve just been peeing out the window and noticed it’s a lonely day outside. I’ll be going for my daily wank now.

Breast wishes and kind retards,
Ass Botcher
Manager, Pubic Affairs